Swiper, No Swiping!

I have a problem. Okay, I have a lot of problems, but I am going to confess to one in particular. I love to “swipe” people. Do you remember Jack and Karen on the show Will and Grace? What a riot those two were! Anyway, Jack would pretend to swipe a credit card in Karen’s cleavage and say, “Denied”. Then she’d turn around and Jack would swipe between her butt cheeks and say, “Approved”!

I was inspired by that in the late 90’s and have since then swiped people with credit cards, books (ouch!), kitchen utensils and anything else I can get my hands on. If I couldn’t use anything, I’d actually use my hand. (One of my other problems is taking things too far.) I especially love swiping people when they are walking up the stairs in front of me. It’s to the point where my kids won’t walk ahead of me. Haha!

Fun Fact: When I was going to university I worked for my cousin’s father-in-law. I was invited to a family function, and I used a spatula to swipe him. Him, as in my boss. That was a moment of regret, if I’ve ever had one. That happened 16 years ago and my boss still shares that story. He has a great sense of humour and accepted that breach of conduct. I don’t think I can live that one down. And rightfully so. Has that stopped me from swiping people? Negatory. Can’t stop. Won’t stop.

Fast forward to September 2021, I got a taste of my own medicine and I have photo documentation to prove it. My brother swiped me with his phone during our sibling photo session. I loved that Rhonda Steed captured the sequence of events.

I am 39, and sometimes very much feel that old, or even older. But other times, I feel like I act my shoe size and not my age. For reference, I’m a size 10. I sometimes wish I didn’t find juvenile things so funny. Is there a gene linked to immature humour? I’d like to know. Until then, when someone asks where someone or something is, my response will continue to be, “up your butt and around the corner.”

P.S. If you’ve never seen Dora the Explorer, there is a sly fox named Swiper, and he steals or swipes items from Dora and her gang. The response to those thefts is, “Swiper, no swiping!”, hence the title of this blog post.