For a while, one of my favourite songs was Issues by Julia Michaels. (I said it WAS a favourite for a while, because I tend to be intense with music and listen to my favourites non-stop. Then they stop being my favourite. Sometimes I’m a go big or go home kind of gal. 😬 Oh, and if you now have a hankering to listen to this, just know there is one cuss word.)
One part in the song goes like this:
‘Cause I got issues
But you got ’em too
So give ’em all to me
And I’ll give mine to you
Bask in the glory
Of all our problems
‘Cause we got the kind of love
It takes to solve ’em
I’m not going to delve into her meaning of the lyrics, but bottom line is we all have issues. And it takes love to solve them. Let’s discuss some of my issues, shall we?
Before I dig in, I must mention this. My new timeline of reference has turned into “before my mom died” and “after my mom died”. So, this past year and 9 months since my mom died have been that of accelerated healing and growth for me. Let’s call it Jacquie’s Journey 2.0. (My Jacquie’s Journey OG will be shared at some point.)
I have God and good people in my life. I’m blessed. In a way, I have given my issues to them. They have had a hand in my healing. They have all helped me more than I can even attempt to explain. Love is the higher law, I’ve genuinely discovered. Love is the answer.
One day, I was hit so hard with this truth from Matthew 22 verse 39 found in the New Testament. “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” (If you want the full scripture, you can find it here, starting at verse 36.) AS THYSELF!!!!! It hit me harder than hard. I realized I have have only focused on the first part of this scripture all along. I’m quite good at loving my neighbour. It’s easy for me to love other people. But the last part? I’ve never really given it attention as I only focused on the neighbour part. I have liked myself for the most part and I wouldn’t go as far to say that I hated myself. However, I realized that there was a deficit in my self love. And just like that, BOOM! This scripture was the answer to the root of all my issues.
As mentioned, I’ve always found it easy to love people. For deep rooted reasons, I’ve always imagined that it’s pretty hard for other people to love the real me. The flawed me. Insecurity, self doubt and all the things in between have been holding me back. In hindsight, I can see it all now. And it makes me so so sad. I never felt like I was enough. I would seek for others to fill me up with love. I was a validation-seeker. It’s like I needed it from other people because I couldn’t give it to myself. The downside to that is that what they gave me was never enough.
I’m happy to say that I’m well on my road to self-love recovery. I feel a tangible difference in how I view myself. It didn’t happen overnight. It’s been over a year of consistent work. Between God, my loved ones and some amazing professionals (counsellors, a naturopath, massage therapist and an EFT practitioner to just name a few), I have been able to work on a LOT of things. I’ve been called out on things. I’ve been challenged. I’ve had to reopen wounds to properly clean them so that they can properly heal. I’ve also been encouraged. I’ve been validated (not in an enabling way). I’ve dug deep and dealt with issues I didn’t know were even issues. Some of it hasn’t been easy. Some of it has been easier than I anticipated. Because of all of this, I realize that I am enough. I AM ENOUGH! And yes, I just yelled that. I realized I had it in me all along, but I needed help to see it.
Sometimes I try to default back to my old way of thinking. I now have the tools to question my thoughts. I don’t have to buy into that negative narrative any longer. My issues don’t define me any longer. Love defines me. The love my Heavenly Father and my Savior have for me defines me. It’s an unconditional love. The love I have for myself defines me. The love of others certainly adds an invaluable amount of meaning to my life, but it doesn’t define me. My own value isn’t dependent on what others think of me. This new awareness has been absolutely life changing. It’s been freeing.
Love is the answer. ❤️